Hey, man... today's question is very important for you, and I want
you to read it carefully.
This is the Number One type of question I get from guys that learn
some of the basics of how to approach women (either from my program
or from others).
And it probably affects about 90% of guys that I meet. (I'm not
exaggerating that number in the slightest.)
You are very likely one of them...
If you're in a hurry, just go here right now:
https://morpheus.infusionsoft.com/go/AW2video1/lustlinx1/
QUESTION ABOUT THE UNSPOKEN FEAR OF MEN:
Hey Carlos...
I've been practicing some of your approach techniques on women, and
I've been doing fairly well with them.
However, I've still got a stumbling block that I'm not sure how to
get past...
I was out on Saturday at my favorite bar just hanging out. I saw a
very at-tractive woman with her girlfriend. She had that dark-haired
Italian look that I really love...
I knew WHAT to do and say (thanks to your Approach Women program).
I'd used your methods on lots of women before. But with this
particular woman, I had no idea HOW the hell to do it!
It was really weird - like some invisible guy was there holding my
arms back. I even felt a little sick to my stomach. (You believe
that???) My hands got all sweaty, too.
So I guess my question is, what the heck do I do when I know WHAT
to say and I've practiced it, but my inner Loserboy voice won't let
me?
What do I do when my confidence fails me?
What then?
- Chris D. in Oakland, CA
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Chris, you have just asked the question that hundreds... no,
thousands...
No, wait...
... MILLIONS of guys want an answer for.
I'm not kidding you when I tell you that this is probably THE most
common problem for guys of ANY age. (And it's not the kind that you
can take a little blue pill for, either.)
So what is this and how do you cure it?
A lot of guys call it Approach Anxiety.
I don't like that name. That makes it seem like a disease that
we're powerless to control.
(And remember that when you pay attention to the negative terms
like "anxiety," you actually give them more power over you.)
I have another term for this sensation that you can use:
Approach EXCITEMENT!
That's right. This feeling you have is just your mind's way of
saying that this woman's attractiveness and femininity has just
OVERLOADED your circuits.
She has just given you an incredible gift of letting you feel the
full force and magnitude of your own masculinity, and you are
EXCITED on a whole new level.
This is the force that keeps our human race alive, my friend.
And this excitement is healthy and GOOD - no matter what your
friends and family may have told you in the past about all those
nasty desires your private parts have.
I can hear guys out there now as they read that:
"Yeah, great, Carlos. You can 're-frame' this situation for me any
way you like and I'll still have think 'Yeah, so what? I *still*
can't go over and talk to her...' I need something I can DO."
Well, I've got that for you in this letter. Just hang on...
The truth is, there's a lot of mental anguish for guys who feel
this "approach excitement."
If you don't take care of your inner game - your confidence and
self-esteem - you'll have all the great lines and techniques and
you STILL won't be able to approach women you see every day.
You'll know what to say - (there are a TON of openers and
"routines" out there), but you won't know HOW to do it.
You might be one of the guys that figured this out for himself
already. Maybe you learned a few good "openers" but you still
aren't walking up and approaching women.
You've got what you need, but you still can't find the courage to
do it.
In fact, you'll probably feel even WORSE about yourself because now
you have the tools, and you'll realize that you don't have the
inner foundation and confidence to PUT THEM TO WORK.
A lot of guys simply go looking for another cool opener or line in
the hopes that the one that sounds "cool enough" will somehow give
them the courage to approach. We both know that doesn't work, does
it?
You can even approach women occasionally, and get a few dates, and
you'll STILL sink your own ship if you don't have your inner game
taken care of.
So what can you do when you feel that paralyzing fear of going up
and approaching a woman?
Or that fear of leaning in and going for the kiss?
Or ANY kind of escalation with a woman?
______________________
CAUTION: Fixing your inner game is much EASIER than most "gurus"
will admit...
______________________
Look, I'll be the first person to admit that I had a HUGE problem
approaching women. And it was only within the last few years that I
was able to clear it up.
That's right. I went over 30 YEARS of my life with this "Approach
Excitement" kicking me in the ass.
I would see an at-tractive woman (and I have a certain "type" that
I'm interested in) and...
I'd stop DEAD in my tracks when I wanted to approach her.
It felt just like you said - like someone invisible was holding my
arms and legs and keeping me from moving. It was like that
sensation of waking up from sleep and being paralyzed.
It was scary - and definitely NOT fun.
I was lucky when I was younger - when women were much more open
to talking with me because I was so aloof and distant (go figure!),
but later on my fear of approaching became a HUGE and CRIPPLING
block to my success with women.
Especially when I got tired of going to bars and clubs to meet
women. I was only meeting them at work or online - and not very
often.
I knew that if I didn't fix this problem, I'd end up one of those
guys who got stuck with the first woman that was as desperate as I
was. And we all know that's the WORST way to pick a girlfriend.
You see, if you were to ask 100 guys about whether they have any
problems meeting and at-tracting women, over 90% of them would
laugh and say something like: "I've got no problem approaching and
meeting women."
But they're lying.
And this is the secret and UNSPOKEN fear of most men.
A lot of guys assume that ALL the other guys out there have this
thing taken care of - but they DON'T. I've observed guys in just
about EVERY situation you can imagine, in about 10 different
countries, and it amazes me every time I see it.
And I also found out as I learned how to develop my masculine
self-confidence is that most guys (including me, for a while) think
that fixing our self-confidence is a really DIFFICULT thing to do.
That's why so many guys want a pickup LINE instead of a method to
get more confident.
Hey, all you have to do is memorize some other guy's words and
you're all set, right?
Until you memorize those lines and realize that you STILL can't
work up the nerve to go over and talk to that hot Italian babe.
What's wrong? Why is this happening?
______________________
I'm about to part the curtains and reveal the secret of approaching
to you in just a second...
______________________
So back to what I was saying, most guys really think that getting
confidence is a long, painful process that isn't worth it.
Especially when there's all this "pickup" and "seduction" stuff out
there.
In fact, the OPPOSITE is true.
The process is actually dead SIMPLE, and it can be done really
quickly - IF you know how to do it!
It's like having a car that breaks down on you. If you're the
average Joe out there, you might have a real tough time
understanding how to fix it. But if you take it in to a mechanic
who has fixed your type of car for a while, you'll find that they
can show you how to fix it FAST.
It's all about finding the specialized knowledge to fit YOUR problem.
AND the truth about pickup and "seduction" techniques is that if
you use them hoping to get quick results, you'll actually HURT your
inner game even more.
It's like going out and taking a one-day self-defense class where
they teach you only a few simple moves.
Sure, you could throw a knee or an elbow into an attacker, but
unless you understand and know how to control your own FEAR and
PANIC, you'll forget that clever wrist lock in one stressful moment.
Guys feel this kind of panic around women ALL THE TIME.
And the fact is that this unspoken fear men have is about ONE word.
That one word is...
SHAME.
That's right. The toxic confidence-killer for 90% of the guys out
there.
Shame is the belief that you are not worthy of a woman or that you
don't have a right to approach her.
It's the belief that you don't have any VALUE to this woman.
And the reality is that a woman SENSES your value in the way you
act. It's not something you have in your wallet, or a price tag on
your arm.
Here's a VITAL secret of at-tracting women:
VALUE is 95% ATTITUDE.
But I'll come back to that...
Let's talk about how you conquer this fear and shame for yourself...
By creating unstoppable, bullet-proof "inner game."
Now, inner game is not something I can teach you in a single email.
But I can get you started with a little exercise that will help you
put some of your bad thinking behind you.
I call this the "She's Not Better" exercise. This is EXACTLY what I
used to do when I was working on my inner game and confidence.
The next time you find yourself bringing your confidence down in
your head, you're going to change what you're thinking.
In technical language, this is called "neuro-associative
conditioning," and it's something that Tony Robbins pioneered.
Don't worry - I'm going to make it very simple for you to use.
I've taken this techniques a step further by adapting many of these
methods for men who struggle with their confidence and self-esteem,
and I go into much more detail in my programs.
NOW HERE'S HOW THE EXERCISE WORKS:
Let's say you're at a bar and you see that woman you want to
approach. She's a beautiful Italian, and you feel that shaky,
nervous feeling just vibrating in your guts when you see her.
The next thing that usually happens in your head is that you try to
find some way to validate (not destroy) that nervous feeling. You
start telling yourself things like:
"Wow, she's INCREDIBLE... But I feel weird. I feel like she
wouldn't have any reason to want to talk to me..."
Right then, you interrupt this thought with,
"HEY, she's not better than me!"
You can even YELL this out - inside your head. That's right - yell
it in your thoughts.
Make it loud and booming, like the way God's voice was in all those
1950s epic movies like "The Ten Commandments," and stuff like that.
"SHE'S NOT BETTER THAN ME!"
And then you need to really get behind those words and push
yourself into believing them.
Say it over and over again. Out loud if you have to.
"She's not better than me... She's not better than me... She's not
better than me..."
And each time you say it, mean it!
The first couple times you do this, you'll probably feel a little
weird. This is okay, it's the power of your confidence
bitch-slapping your bad beliefs around.
But when you get the hand of this particular belief, and it really
starts to take hold, it feels VERY cool. It's like you've just
awoken a sleeping giant in you.
Remember, this woman that you're in love at first sight with does
all the nastiest and disgusting things you can imagine.
She poops.
She farts.
She picks her nose and rolls her boogers.
Gross? Yeah. But it's also TRUE.
You're just seeing her at her best right now.
And you're also falling into the trap of putting her up on a
pedestal - making her much more important and pure than she
actually IS.
You're imagining her like she's a pure white angel that flew down
from heaven just to flash you her incredible smile.
By the way, this kind of idealizing of women is very common in many
societies, because women know that the one thing they can use to
their advantage is their sexual desirability - and that her value
goes DOWN when men think she isn't "pure."
If you really take the time to think it through when you see one of
these women that really excite you, you'll start to make a deep and
powerful change in your thinking and your beliefs, and then your
actions will start to change, too.
This was the first big step I took when I was trying to get this
area of my life handled.
I would see these guys who were not all that attractive, and they
had some really stunning girlfriends.
I knew that there was something wrong with the way that I was
THINKING about women, because I also knew deep down inside that I
had everything that these other guys had.
Because for them to act the way they did (which had to be what was
getting them these women) they had to THINK a certain way.
______________________
*** Thoughts come before actions. ***
______________________
After watching these "natural" Alpha guys for a while, I developed
a MODEL of behavior that I used to sculpt and refine my own way of
acting around women.
And you know what?
It freakin' worked, dude.
Women were acting with me the way I'd only seen them do to other
guys that I thought were the "naturals" with this stuff...
Women would do things like:
- Touching me affectionately when I was out in a bar or even just
meeting them for the first time from an online matching profile...
Sometimes within MINUTES of meeting me.
- Dropping hints and being super flirty with me...
- Finding reasons to get closer to me, or to press their bodies
closer to me...
- Making dirty jokes at me, when I wasn't even talking about
anything sexual...
It was really freaky, but I assure you that I got over the shock
quick.
Remember that your level of confidence isn't something "hard coded"
or given to you by genetics.
You don't "inherit" your level of self-esteem.
You BUILD it all by yourself. It's in your head, and it's something
that you can COMPLETELY control by taking control of your thoughts.
PERIOD.
Now, I want to invite you to come and learn some of the illogical,
yet INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE and powerful methods and strategies that
I've learned, developed, refined over the last 7 years practicing
and teaching this stuff.
The concepts that I've just discussed are part of what I consider
to be a big part of the "Inner Game" of dating success.
Most guys spend almost NO time working on their Inner Game and
confidence... instead, they spend time learning "pick up lines" and
"routines" and other USELESS fluff.
If you don't have your "Inner Game" together, none of the
techniques and tricks will work for you. Women see right through
them.
Once you get the right mind-set - the Attitude I mentioned earlier
- the world suddenly seems like a different place to you.
In my Secrets of the Alpha Man program, I spend several HOURS
teaching you Inner Game techniques ... I'll show you how to
overcome your self-limiting beliefs, improve your self-confidence
and self-esteem... and get past the fears that are holding you back
from even TRYING to go out and meet women.
If you're like me, and you've had a lot of negative programming,
then you MUST get that stuff taken care of. It's not going to fix
itself... YOU have to do it.
My program will show you EXACTLY how.
Oh... and it will also teach you TONS of great "field" methods for
approaching women, talking to women - keeping the conversation
going - getting dates, meeting women online, and taking things as
far as you want to go - smoothly and easily... without rejection.
The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better
life. It all starts with getting educated.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better
choices. Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
It's all in my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
Get it here:
https://morpheus.infusionsoft.com/go/AMP/lustlinx1/
If you're one of the guys that has already learned my Secrets of
the Alpha Man, you should know that I've also got an advanced
version of this program.
In it, I explain Alpha Confidence in DETAIL - and I even explain my
most ADVANCED secrets of approach and self-confidence.
https://morpheus.infusionsoft.com/go/AW2/lustlinx1/
I'll talk to you again soon,
Your Friend,
- Carlos Xuma
PS: There's one thing I discovered a long time ago, and it was that
the most important trait a man has is his level of confidence. This
ONE area of your life will determine EVERYTHING about you...
Your financial success...
Your happiness...
Your friendships...
The quality of woman you attract...
So it only makes sense that if you CAN improve your
self-confidence, you absolutely MUST improve it. Your life
literally DEPENDS on it.
You owe it to yourself to get the success you deserve in life -
with women and with EVERYTHING you desire.
Go learn these secrets here:
https://morpheus.infusionsoft.com/go/PSS/lustlinx1/